Throughout my life I have had my own struggles with depression. I was made fun of as a kid for being to skinny, and wearing huge glasses, as well as dealing with a disease that you knew one day could take your own life. Life hasn't been the easiest. It has had its own challenges, and yet I am still here writing to you now. God and his angels were watching over me. I am even lucky to be alive due to the trauma I did on my body in 2010.
In 2010, as we got out of the Marine Corps, my husband went through a series of his own depression. I was use to a husband that worked, and yet I saw him sinking to the bits of hell, and life wasn't getting easier, in fact it was getting harder. I would watch him just go in and out of the darkness and he would play video games to not even think of being a failure in life. His goal was to be veteran in the military, and they took his dreams out from under him, and so he lead to total saddness.
Now I had a hard time with this. I saw our savings account dwindling, and he didn't work. I am the type of person who will take charge of a situation when I needed to. I applied for jobs and I couldn't get anything, and so the pain of dealing with not only home life, but dealing with other family problems in NC was taking its toll on me. At this time in my life I was dealing with also constant arm pain, back, and foot pain. We didn't have health insurance at all. Life was dark. The only way for me to not even think about it was to numb myself up.
Now, at the time I was taking pain meditation for my arms. It was the only thing that would help, as well as a sleeping aid, and even these meditations were running out. I needed life to just stop for a little while. I needed a moment of silence for once, and the way I did was I took over the counter medicine.
Now this started after all of my other medicine was almost gone. I would take Tylenol Sleeping aid like it was candy. I would start off with two, and then in a few weeks I could be taking 6 of these. Now the affects were wearing off , so I would lead to taking Nyquil with the Tylenol, so it would give me that drowsy feeling. By this time, I would take 4 Tylenol sleeping and 2 Nyquil. It was the darkest of my days. I did this for about 2 and a half years. I should be dead. I knew what type of medicine I needed if I needed to sleep and how much.
When I died and came back in 2012 all of this started to change, but I was still going through tough times, and then a few months later I started to hear spirits. I needed to sleep so I took to Benadryl for this. Someone in my condition should have a lot of liver damage but I don't.
I took sleeping medicine also, but not as much. If I did the angels and God would yell at me or ask me to stop. I knew that it would have to take something crazy to make me not want to not take another pill so I didn't have to hear spirits at night, and so it did.
A few weeks ago, I started to have severe headaches, which lead to an over night of not sleeping that well. My head throbbed with pain. I took medicine would help with nausea and nothing working. I could only take something for my head that was it. I would talk to God and ask for Mercy and he would say, "This is needed." I didn't know what was going on, except that I was going through some sort of change. The head aches were so bad, that I would cry because it wouldn't go away. I would lay in my bed crying for help and no one came. No one. Me alone in my room, with a husband and family worried, and yet God didn't show mercy.
Every since this experience I haven't taken a single pill except an Ibuprofen. God had to put me through so much pain and make changes to my body so that I could get off of this habit and you know what it worked. It was a living hell but it worked.
I am writing this because everyone thinks that angels don't go through there things. We go through a lot. If one person reads this I want them to say, "If she can beat this, and God helped her, then there is hope for me." God saves us all. He knows what we go through and he know what to do to make the behavior stopped, but it won't be easy. Me getting off of sleeping aids was a winner for me. Doing the medicine that I did 4 yrs ago no one knew, not even my husband. I kept it secret. We all deal with things our own way, and that was my way. Many would say it isn't, but don't judge me till you have walked in my shoes.
Everyone deserves a chance. Looking back I felt horrible for the things I said to my husband when he was depressed. I would threaten with divorce or walking out, but God kept me with him. I love my husband. He is my best friend, and it killed me I couldn't help. It drove me nuts, and so now I know how to deal with these types of situations. You just got to let people be. You got to let them go through there own thing. You have to stop controling the situation, because the truth is you have no control. God has the control. When you give up the control, pray, and talk to God, he will send you a miracle. He will make you believe, trust, and see hope in things again.
My medicine intake didn't cause my near death experience I just want to make that clear. God had to wake me up. He had to shake my world up because I was tired of it and so he did. He shakes me in the biggest ways and it is needed. I have to have big change happen to me, so that is how I am. I am forever thankful for God. He is my protector. My faith in him never seizes to amaze me. I have so much faith that I am so happy to know that I have an awesome relationship with him and my family. Life is a blessing. Know that whatever you are going through God will help. You will have to sink so far until he says, "Okay time to help." He does help. He does make miracles happen. I am living proof of that. If you want help go to God, because he wants to help. You may feel alone, but know your not. God has a plan for you and he will make it known to you when he is ready. So trust God and know that if you are like me, and have used medicine to the extreme to numb the pain, I know exactly what your going through. Your not alone, and at the same time, I can say that you can get off of them and no longer take another pill.
Love to you all and have a blessed day.
Casey (Faith)
In 2010, as we got out of the Marine Corps, my husband went through a series of his own depression. I was use to a husband that worked, and yet I saw him sinking to the bits of hell, and life wasn't getting easier, in fact it was getting harder. I would watch him just go in and out of the darkness and he would play video games to not even think of being a failure in life. His goal was to be veteran in the military, and they took his dreams out from under him, and so he lead to total saddness.
Now I had a hard time with this. I saw our savings account dwindling, and he didn't work. I am the type of person who will take charge of a situation when I needed to. I applied for jobs and I couldn't get anything, and so the pain of dealing with not only home life, but dealing with other family problems in NC was taking its toll on me. At this time in my life I was dealing with also constant arm pain, back, and foot pain. We didn't have health insurance at all. Life was dark. The only way for me to not even think about it was to numb myself up.
Now, at the time I was taking pain meditation for my arms. It was the only thing that would help, as well as a sleeping aid, and even these meditations were running out. I needed life to just stop for a little while. I needed a moment of silence for once, and the way I did was I took over the counter medicine.
Now this started after all of my other medicine was almost gone. I would take Tylenol Sleeping aid like it was candy. I would start off with two, and then in a few weeks I could be taking 6 of these. Now the affects were wearing off , so I would lead to taking Nyquil with the Tylenol, so it would give me that drowsy feeling. By this time, I would take 4 Tylenol sleeping and 2 Nyquil. It was the darkest of my days. I did this for about 2 and a half years. I should be dead. I knew what type of medicine I needed if I needed to sleep and how much.
When I died and came back in 2012 all of this started to change, but I was still going through tough times, and then a few months later I started to hear spirits. I needed to sleep so I took to Benadryl for this. Someone in my condition should have a lot of liver damage but I don't.
I took sleeping medicine also, but not as much. If I did the angels and God would yell at me or ask me to stop. I knew that it would have to take something crazy to make me not want to not take another pill so I didn't have to hear spirits at night, and so it did.
A few weeks ago, I started to have severe headaches, which lead to an over night of not sleeping that well. My head throbbed with pain. I took medicine would help with nausea and nothing working. I could only take something for my head that was it. I would talk to God and ask for Mercy and he would say, "This is needed." I didn't know what was going on, except that I was going through some sort of change. The head aches were so bad, that I would cry because it wouldn't go away. I would lay in my bed crying for help and no one came. No one. Me alone in my room, with a husband and family worried, and yet God didn't show mercy.
Every since this experience I haven't taken a single pill except an Ibuprofen. God had to put me through so much pain and make changes to my body so that I could get off of this habit and you know what it worked. It was a living hell but it worked.
I am writing this because everyone thinks that angels don't go through there things. We go through a lot. If one person reads this I want them to say, "If she can beat this, and God helped her, then there is hope for me." God saves us all. He knows what we go through and he know what to do to make the behavior stopped, but it won't be easy. Me getting off of sleeping aids was a winner for me. Doing the medicine that I did 4 yrs ago no one knew, not even my husband. I kept it secret. We all deal with things our own way, and that was my way. Many would say it isn't, but don't judge me till you have walked in my shoes.
Everyone deserves a chance. Looking back I felt horrible for the things I said to my husband when he was depressed. I would threaten with divorce or walking out, but God kept me with him. I love my husband. He is my best friend, and it killed me I couldn't help. It drove me nuts, and so now I know how to deal with these types of situations. You just got to let people be. You got to let them go through there own thing. You have to stop controling the situation, because the truth is you have no control. God has the control. When you give up the control, pray, and talk to God, he will send you a miracle. He will make you believe, trust, and see hope in things again.
My medicine intake didn't cause my near death experience I just want to make that clear. God had to wake me up. He had to shake my world up because I was tired of it and so he did. He shakes me in the biggest ways and it is needed. I have to have big change happen to me, so that is how I am. I am forever thankful for God. He is my protector. My faith in him never seizes to amaze me. I have so much faith that I am so happy to know that I have an awesome relationship with him and my family. Life is a blessing. Know that whatever you are going through God will help. You will have to sink so far until he says, "Okay time to help." He does help. He does make miracles happen. I am living proof of that. If you want help go to God, because he wants to help. You may feel alone, but know your not. God has a plan for you and he will make it known to you when he is ready. So trust God and know that if you are like me, and have used medicine to the extreme to numb the pain, I know exactly what your going through. Your not alone, and at the same time, I can say that you can get off of them and no longer take another pill.
Love to you all and have a blessed day.
Casey (Faith)
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